Saturday, January 21, 2012

Pursuit of Eluding Starlight

















Pursuit of Eluding Starlight

"Follow me as I continue to search that dim star above the overwhelming lights of the busy city that denies its existence."

Starring:
Jasmine (Not her real name, but an alias for her protection)
Me

"I guess summer is going to burn after all", that is what I said as I woke up from my dream; quite unusual and a trivial one.

In my dream, I found myself in front of a classroom door, all i remember about it is painted brown, and I did not saw a doorknob; i might've overlooked, or rather i entered the room too quickly to notice.

As I enter, I saw a couple of chairs with desks, quite similar to the format of common Japanese classroom table on my left side.

In front of me was a two-staged bookshelf that was standing adjacent to the wall with its broad side, the books are colored but weren't labeled.

On my right side was an elevated platform made of wood and a teacher's desk sitting on the center, oddly though it does not have a blackboard attached on the wall, nor i remember windows within.

I remember seeing a couple of girls around, but what is actually important and got burned on my mind was her; " Jasmine". I wouldn't normally approach her, mainly because of the anxiety; the fear, and the fact that I was friend zoned, but risked then lost her as my friend, though i talk to her when I needed something, only when it's purely business or something important to me. She talks to me in casual like I was still a friend but i know that she is just putting up with me and just acting nice for the sake of looking nice, but that is it.

About her, she was a great girl and most importantly a friend few years ago, when i was a second year at year 2009, a writer just like me, we have something in common, so we became friends. But then when she changed, from a writer to a feisty "fashonista" as she claims; she gave up writing, and everything follows down the toilet.

But anyways, I approached her, she was talking with another girl, bent and leaning at the table with her hands, but I only remember the long black hair, in fact I think it was a mannequin. At this dream, Jasmine was in a cute white dress, a blue jeans, but I can’t remember whether a brown or white high-heeled shoes.

She straightened her body, stood correctly and talked to me. And then in the middle of our conversation, she went and leaned at the teacher's table.

I asked her of the item we talked about, but then she could not get it after all for me. I remember that she told me an item she bought from another friend which I thought to be "Katrina", telling me just to buy from a store; i remember the first word of the item she bought being :"Princess" but I forgot the rest, she told me that it only costed her "1550 PHP", but of all prices, why "1550", and notice that it is not something that is commonly used like within the range of "2,3,5,10,50,75,100,125,150..." but rather an uncommon number "1550".

I asked for it again and kind of pleaded for it, but she said "I can't help you" and she seems irritated, she then went down the platform and tried to walk away, but then i grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her back, and then in a blink of an eye, I hugged her.

Upon my surprise, she didn't fought back, she didn't pushed me or yelled. She just held me by the side of my abdomen with both hands as I hugged her, figures maybe her arms were caught stuck as i hugged her. She asked me: "what now?”

And then suddenly everything darken, and in my eyesight, as if the game from a console was paused and the menu was shown, but all I remember seeing was two choices in white, below was a blurred sentence, whilst above reads "I guess summer is going to burn after all", I figured that its somehow like a game, and I was presented a choice of what to say, yet I didn't had a choice, never did. As I decided chosen words, it turns red, and in the real word I really spoke of the sentence as I wake up; "I guess summer is going to burn after all".

"I guess summer is going to burn after all", I don't get it, but it's trivial so it fascinates me. Although the impossibilities about her kind of struck me the hard way: she must've yelled or pushed me away when i hugged her, or rather she should have fought and resisted when i grabbed her shoulder to get her attention. She somehow accepted the hug i forced to do so on her, why?

I guess Sigmund Freud would be laughing at my dream, but then i don't get what's funny or anything that gives me a clue of what could those impossibilities or the trivial quotation means, but i know that all those impossibilities were the things I want; Closure.

"I guess summer is going to burn after all"; to this very day and probably beyond, i live in solitude, away from physical contact from anyone as much as possible.

- A True Story
The 6th Messenger


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